Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
