drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
