My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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