i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
