Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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