fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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