just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize