If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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