I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Barsexuality is the new black.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
