note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
