Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
