I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
