New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She needs sedatives and a leash
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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