Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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