I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
