Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
so much tequila, so little girl.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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