I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
