i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
