And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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