I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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