i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Holy shit dude........stairs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
