i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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