thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
