hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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