I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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