I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
