Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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