I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
