that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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