Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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