I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
