It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
no you cant smoke seaweed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
