The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
