drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
