You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Oh god it's open bar.
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