I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
