I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
