Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
