1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
