How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
