it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
