This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
