Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
