Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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