i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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