My friends, they love my intelligence
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
