I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
