All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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