Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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