My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
