Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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