My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
