Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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