Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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