Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
