I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize