you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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