Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
