I want to have your abortion
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
