I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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