girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you didnt know i had herpes?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
