How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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