I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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