why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
